* Yet again, another very belated High Five for Friday…
…but this gives me the chance to include what happend last night to my list and last night is definitely the highest High for a long time and it therefore must be included. As it is such a big deal to me and nothing that happend this week could possibly match this, I will bend the rules a little and make it some sort of an one-day-High-Five (eeeer, for Saturday). I hope, you will forgive me for this and understand, as you read on (if you should decide to read on).
1) I did win a literary contest last night, with one of my very own texts. Even now, in broad daylight, this feels surreal and I still can’t quite wrap my head around it. Even typing out these words now feels unreal. I never imagined, not even for one split second, that I would have the slightest chance to win this thing. The reason I took part and went, was because the mere thought of walking up on a stage and reading one of my texts out loud in front of a crowd who then would be the jugde of me and what I just shared with them, was horrifying. Pure, sheer, blank, total, utter horror. Thinking about it made my hands sweaty (we’re talking Niagara-Falls-sweaty) and my heart racing (race-horse racing), pounding with fear. So I decided, I would have to do it. If something scares you that much, you should just do it. Overcome the fear, grow. Even if people hate the text, there’s still the victory of overcoming the fear. So I did. I did go up there and read these words that came to me, so I could type them, erase them, put them back down again, shove them around, read them back to myself, switch them up again and eventually put a full stop at the end of it all.
2) I overcame the fear. I read my text, this carefully nursed baby of mine, this vulnerable thing that makes me oh so vulnerable, too. That baby I had to give up yesterday and share with other people, no longer belonging only to me, but making it theirs, too. Whether to hate it, to ridicule it, to roll their eyes at it – or to find something, to feel something, to remember something, to relate.
3) And people didn’t boo.
4) They actually started to applaud. Loudly. And the thought, that maybe they don’t hate my story, my early morning summer story, but actually somehow might like it, entered my mind.
5) When it was all over, some of the people came up to me to talk about the text and what they enjoyed about it and this made – and makes me still – just so incredibly happy – and thankful, that I can hardly find words to describe. Each of them had a different part they related to, they actually could relate to what I thought out in that funny little brain of mine. And they came to tell me about it, to share it with me. They did find something, feel something, remember something. Undoubtedly some of them rolled their eyes, too. But learning, that the majority of those people didn’t think it was pure rubbish what I produced, that it even touched them on some level, was such an incredibly amazing experience that I still feel quite bewildered and speechless. It is something that I will not ever forget.
So thank you, Persephonyx, for this evening and for the chance and opportunity to just put ourselves out there. Put our texts out there, whether it’s lyric or prose, and to share what we made up. And thanks to everyone who was willing to share, to come with me to face the blue infiniteness of the ocean on an early summer’s morning.
Happy Sunday xxx